Day 5

It's dangerous when one's mind tends to wander. Thoughts turned to her apartment. How she found it strange that he had never gone to her place. She had visited his place, but he never had come to hers. Then he just moved to a new place and didn't even tell her where he was living. Yet here they were on a train, as if nothing was amiss. She moved to a new place and he finally was game to go visit. He was polite as she gave him a quick tour. Then she noticed his body language. His torso on down was facing away from her, and his feet told the rest of the story. His feet were pointed directly towards the front door. To leave. Escape. He was uncomfortable or at least wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

She clicked off the television and asked if he was ready to go. "Oh, I'm OK," he said, but then he paused. She walked up behind him and gently leaned over his shoulder. "Remember I told you about that body language book I'm reading?" "Yes," he said. Your body from the torso down is away from me. That's one thing. Second. The bottom part of your body is facing one direction. Towards the front door, see?" "That's not true," he said with a gentle laugh. "Oh yes, look at your feet," she explained. "So?" he asked. She leaned further in and said, "Look at the line of vision. Your feet are perfectly pointed towards the front door." He laughed out loud. "It's OK. Let's go." she turned off the television and picked up her purse and keys. She checked the lights and plugs and made sure she locked the door after them.

She had never taken a psychology class but was interested in learning about it. She found she had difficulty reading people, especially men, and decided she was going to do something about it. She started buying books and studied them. She compared notes to her real life interactions. Viewing the world like one big experiment.

The train jolted her back to the present. He pulled out some grapes. "Do you want any?" he asked. "Sure," she took a handful and continued to read her book. He suddenly wanted to chat.

She remembered something her mother had told her a long time ago. That being with a man was akin to being in a room with a large balloon and trying to put a second balloon inside. There would not be enough room for both balloons -- one kept getting bigger while the other had to get smaller. She concluded that there's only room in the space for one balloon. A woman, in this scenario, was the shrinking balloon. "It's a gradual thing," her mother noted, with a tinge of sadness.

When it came to him, she noticed she would make time for him. When he wanted to talk, she would listen. He didn't confide in her often, that would require him lowering his guard and feeling comfortable enough to let loose his thoughts. It seemed easy for her to put things aside for him. A thought occurred -- she needed to ask herself why.